Here Is When You Need To Be Alone

Thought Catalog

Nelson L.Nelson L.

You need to be alone when you are not at home with yourself. When spending a night by yourself makes you want to tremble and take cover from the storm that rages on inside your mind, you need to learn to find your own shelter. When you want someone else to come and hold you close just to distract you from yourself, you need to learn to hold your own hand. We can love one another but nobody can save us from ourselves and when we don’t understand that in the slightest, we need to be alone the most.

You need to be alone when you’re unhappy with yourself. When your flaws and shortcomings are things you hope someone will someday love away, rather than inadequacies that you resolve to work on within yourself. When you’re hoping that someone is going to come along and save you from…

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You.

months have passed since you left me.

Thank god we’re still friends. What scares me is that I’m thinking that we can’t be friends. 

A familiar ache comes to my heart when I think of you. It feels like utter crap. That’s how I know I love you. 

But you don’t. You don’t love me. 

I deserve someone who does. 

With you, I need all or nothing. And if I can’t have all… 

I know it’ll hurt so much but it really really sucks having to hurt along the way. Maybe I just really shouldn’t ever see you again so I don’t get reminded of your beauty everytime I see you. 

I miss you terribly.

How do you fit your life into a suitcase?

I don’t know how to take this…

I guess i’m excited, but i’m so afraid.

Thankfully i’m not jumping into the deep end of the pool on this one, but it’s deep enough to drown.

I got accepted into Melbourne University about a week ago and that changed my whole life.

From the caged up little birdy, to the girl who’ll be living without parental guidance.

Thankfully i have my older sister there to look after me if not i’ll probably drown in the water that leaked out of the toilet because i forgot to turn off the tap.

Having to pack your life into a suitcase is so…. difficult. I look at all the things around me and I don’t know what I’ll need or won’t need.

And what about all the products that i’ll expire soon… who’s going to use them?

Furthermore, my parents are thinking of putting up this house for rent so i’ve to get rid of some of my stuff which makes it even more difficult. It’s such a torturous period for me.

And while packing, i’m thinking of all the people i’ll have to say goodbye to… keeping in mind that some people i’m saying goodbye to, i’ll say goodbye to for good. Everyone knows that when you go overseas, you lose a lot of friends. I’m kind of thankful though. It’s a great elimination process that life helps you with… getting rid of all the fake friends.

Ahh so much thinking…. sigh.

Just hope I get the worries out and manage to keep my cool for the next 1 and a half months before I say goodbye ✈️