Surprise surprise mother fuckers.

Emotionally unstable bitch went on a date today.

Yea, too soon. Definitely. But i’m not looking for anything romantic anyway.

It was a great date. He’s pleasant. Charming. Sweet. sorta outspoken… I like that!

I mean apart from the fact that he’s really loud and has a problem with then’s and than’s.

I think he has an amazing personality!

I actually think I might like this guy. But it’s definitely too soon for me to be moving on!

But I know we can’t work out because of time.

I don’t know some part of me wishes it would.

But i also kinda know that it won’t ): this is kinda sad ):

I’m kinda sad ):

This was a pointless post but whatever.

I’m kinda high rn. just got home from zouk.




So hard to give you up and so simple to say that just because he’s not you he’s not meant for me…

But my best friend reminded me that once upon a time I said the same about you.

I’ve given you multiple chances. You didn’t want them.

Time to invest my time in someone’s who’s worth it.


I can’t write anymore.

When you left, you took the greatest part of me.
Take my words.
I’ll write new stories.
The sequel to my life.

One day I’ll write the prequel. Maybe I’ll remember you. I’ll write of your death maybe.
But for now. From now. You’re dead.
You’re dead to me.

Before you leave someone for dead, think. Are you the one that’s at the true end of the loss?
Think twice mother fucker.

4am thoughts.

I said true love isn’t about sacrifice. It’s about compromise.
It’s not that I don’t believe in that. I do.
It’s actually something I live and love by.

That’s when you’re in it together and are doing things together to make things work.
Because you want it as much as the other.

But what’s got me thinking is that love IS about sacrifice when it comes to you loving the other person. From one persons perspective that is.

If the love is reciprocated from the other end then there’s a sacrifice there too, and I believe that it only becomes a compromise because the sacrifice from each side cancels out the other and makes it a compromise.

So the equation to love would look something like:
sacrifice + sacrifice = compromise.

Therefore, compromise = love.
(Oh, forgive my math. It’s as bad as my love life.)

I think that when you love someone (from one persons point of view) it’s really all about sacrifice and it isn’t love when you start to tell yourself that you’ve been doing too much for someone who’s not appreciative of it.

I actually feel bad right now, for thinking that about you.

I realised that I sacrificed everything for you because I loved you. And the moment I started to question the returns was the moment I stopped loving you – and the moment I started loving myself. In other words… I became selfish.

Which is why I believe they say that you have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Because the sudden realization that you need to love yourself would not come in the middle of your relationship and ruin it. And all the good things you’ve done would’ve been because you wanted to do it. And when enough is enough, you leave. You don’t get the “opportunity” to push the blame to the other party for “not appreciating”, and accept that it didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to be. It was both, but no ones fault.

So I think when you love yourself enough to love someone else. It will feel like sacrifice.
And when you find the one who will sacrifice for you… You get compromise. You get love.

Funny how this thought was born from me looking for my soft pillow which I sleep with religiously.
It’s currently residing under the sleeping head of my best friend who is lying next to me.

I cannot sleep without that pillow.
I have 5 on my bed but I need that one.

She didn’t know that so its not that she won’t sacrifice it for me. It’s not that she doesn’t love me.

But we’re looking at it from my point of view now.
I love her.
I can’t bear to see her wake up from her beautiful sleep just so I can satisfy my need.
I think love is sacrifice.
I think love is letting your best friend sleep on your favourite soft pillow.


I Don’t Understand Why You’d Tell Me One Thing,
And Other People, Another.

I Don’t Understand Why People Do Things For People
Who Don’t Appreciate Them Or Their Acts.

A mother’s love.

Anyone who knows me knows that the one thing I want to be is a mother.
I’ve felt a mothers love before. Both ways.
Having to have started playing mum at the age of 10. I know almost half of how a mother feels of her child.
That love is amazing.
You never want to give up.
You always see your child as an amazing individual and you’ll never stop wanting to help this individual in becoming the best possible version of himself.
Well, that’s how I feel about you.
I compare my love for you to that of a mothers.
I want the best for you.
I want you to be happy.
I have so much faith in you.
I see your potential.
I can’t give up on you after seeing how much you’ve progressed.
But someday, a mother has got to witness the day her son grows up and becomes a man… Teach the new lady of his life how to make him happy and also let him take off.

I hope I can accept the fact that I have to let you go.


Why do you build be up
Buttercup baby
Just to let me down
And mess me around
And the worst of all
You never call baby
When you say you will

But I love you still