You, again.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m torn between having wanting you and not.

I’ve said it before. You’re an all or nothing person.

I’m pretty sure I’m over you because of what I heard…
But.
I don’t know. “Something always brings me back to you, and it never takes too long”
I guess distancing does help, but you’ve mentioned that you liked the fact that I cared.
So I guess sticking around would be the nicer thing to do…
But then I give myself false hope.

Maybe I’ll just hurt for a little longer.
When I’m done with my time here. I’ll go away.
No one here’s ever REALLY cared anyway, right?

They say they do. And I feel it. Don’t get me wrong. I do…
But they don’t REALLY care. (with the exception of a few people)
I don’t know if you get what i’m saying, but it doesn’t really matter.

So yeah, maybe i’ll just go away. Find someone who will treat me better than you ever did.
Find some new friends who want me around them all the time.
No exclusivity, nothing.
( I can’t believe i’m getting all petty about this issue. I’m such a girl.)

I’m just really tired of being the only one.

The only one who tries for the relationship, friendship, everything.
The only one trying to be a part of something.

I’ve only got that long more, I guess.

 

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~

What he said:

I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.

What she heard:

You’re not good enough.

I love him, but only my own…

On my own
Pretending he’s beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there’s a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river’s just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I’m learning
All my life
I’ve only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that’s full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.

Why don’t you love me…

he’s got her wrapped around his finger
cause he knows that she’ll never leave
She’s left to wonder if he see’s her
when she cries herself to sleep

He said don’t be scared, cause baby I will be there
you know I’ll never let you fall
he said baby I care, and no it ain’t fair
cause he never even bothered to call

I gave up everything for you
thought everything you said was true
and I wish you could see
all the things we could be
baby all I wanna know is
why don’t you love me?

she wanted someone she could care for 
to tell all her secrets to
she didn’t realize she fell for 
a boy she never knew 

He said don’t be scared, cause baby I will be there
then why did he let me fall
he said baby I care, and no it ain’t fair
but he never even bothered to call

am I not old enough
or maybe not bold enough
but I cannot hold enough regret
for the things that I said

 

I think this describes everything, perfectly.

I’ll be your…

Recently, it’s been hard for me to express myself…
And I still don’t know how to..
But this is the song that accompanied the dance I blogged about a few posts ago..

And as much as I could relate to the dance, I can to the song..

I guess it’s funnier from where you’re standing
‘Cause from over here I’ve missed the joke
Cleared the way for my crash landing
I’ve done it again, another number for your notes

I’d be smiling if I wasn’t so desperate
I’d be patient if I had the time
I could stop and answer all of your questions
As soon as I find out how I could move from the back of the line

So I’ll be your clown
Behind the glass
Go ‘head and laugh ’cause it’s funny
I would too if I saw me
I’ll be your clown
On your favorite channel
My life’s a circus-circus round in circles
I’m selling out tonight

I’d be less angry if it was my decision
And the money was just rolling in
If I had more than my ambition
I’ll have time to please
I’ll have time to thank you as soon as I win

So I’ll be your clown
Behind the glass
Go ‘head and laugh ’cause it’s funny
I would too if I saw me
I’ll be your clown
On your favorite channel
My life’s a circus-circus round in circles
I’m selling out tonight

From a distance my choice is simple
From a distance I can entertain
So you can see me I put makeup on my face
But there’s no way you can feel it
From so far away

So I’ll be your clown
Behind the glass
Go ‘head and laugh ’cause it’s funny
I would too if I saw me
I’ll be your clown
On your favorite channel
My life’s a circus-circus round in circles
I’m selling out tonight.

Obvious.

We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I’m reading into everything
But there’s no sign you hear the lightning, baby

You don’t ever notice me
Turning on my charm
Or wonder why I’m always where you are

I’ve made it obvious
I’ve done everything but say it
I’ve crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong.
I’m not so good with words
Since you never noticed
The way that we belong
I’ll say it in a love song

I’ve heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
But every time I ask you out
We never move past friendly

And you never how 
I stare when we’re alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

I’ve made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
I’ve crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I’m not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I’ll say it in a love song

You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are my love that came without warning
I need you
I want you to know

I’ve made it obvious
So finally I’ll sing it
I’ve crushed on you so long
I’m not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I’ll say it in a love song

And sing it until the day you’re holding me
I’ve wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more then adore you but since you never seem to see
I’ll say it in this love song

I wish it was You.

You deserve someone who listens to you
Hears every word and knows what to do
When you’re feeling hopeless lost and confused
There’s somebody out there who will 

You need a man who holds you for hours
Make your friends jealous
When he brings you flowers
And laughs when he says they don’t have love like ours
There somebody out there who will

There’s somebody out there who’s looking for you
Someday he’ll find you, I swear that its true
He’s gonna kiss you and you’ll feel the world standstill
There’s somebody out there who will

He’ll take you dancing and pull you in close
Spin you around and won’t let you go
Till they turn the lights off and he’ll take you home
There’s somebody out there who will

There’s somebody out there who’s looking for you
Someday he’ll find you I swear that its true
He’s gonna kiss you and you’ll feel the world standstill
There’s somebody out there who will

Tossing and turning and dreaming at night
About finding him and praying and hoping you might
‘Cause you deserve someone who knows how to treat you right

I know he’s out there 
He’s looking for you
Someday he’ll find you I swear that it’s true
And he’s gonna kiss you and you’ll feel the world standstill
Oh

You need some who’ll miss you
Hold you and kiss you
There’s somebody out there who will

 
I’ll just wait for him then…