The one that got left behind.

Some friendships are great, some are not.

Some last forever, some don’t.

This is not the first time any one of you have heard the phrase “you forgot who was there when no one else was”. Why is that so?

Could it be that in our time of need, we go to any source of strength we can find then leech ourselves onto and off that anybody?

Perhaps that friend wasn’t just any ol’ body, but once you’ve picked yourself up, you want to leave everything from your past behind; and if that has to include the one who helped you through your darkest hour, then so be it.

Perhaps that’s the explanation. If someone knows more, I’d like to know.

There’s just something so… unfortunate about being the one that got left behind.

Some of us never really know how we got here.

Some of us never really could understand how new friendships could replace ours so quickly and readily.

Or how you never even try to care anymore.

See the thing about being the one that got left behind is that I wasn’t the one who gave the friendship up;

I loved you then, I still love you now.

I guess it just hurts that life could go on so easily for you, and how you couldn’t spare a thought for me.

I love you, old friend. I wish you well.

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Selfish.

Is it wrong to want to spend time with someone?

So the back story is that I’m in an LDR and we only get to see each other for 4 months a year. It used to be two months when I was based in Australia, but I’m back in Singapore for good now.

So is it my fault for wanting every second I can get?

Is it my fault for feeling secondary to his needs?

It could be my fault, or his, or ours…. but am I not entitled to grieve?

I’m back.

2018.

The start of something new, perhaps.

Many things have happened since I’ve left the blogosphere. Some milestones conquered like graduation and buying my first home… and other less significant things, but important nonetheless, like experiencing living-in with my significant other (After two years of long distance) and more.

Now I’m back and better than ever. Not expecting an audience, but i’m using this platform to share my experiences with whoever may chance upon it and to keep up with the times as well, of course.

WordPress is so important in teaching one ‘CMS’. I was so puzzled when I came back to try and figure this thing out. I’m getting a hang of it! Anticipate more content (:

Till then.

Xx,

Julienne.

[v] Beans & Cheese Enchiladas

 

Number 1 recipe in my humble collection of “you’re in college, you need to make something quick and cheap and easy – doesn’t really have to be delicious but it’s a bonus if it is” recipe list.

What you need:

4 wraps. (I use veggie wraps to get that extra nutrition)
1 can of baked beans
CHEESE – the more the merrier.
Onions
Some kind of Enchilada sauce (you can find recipes online)
[I just use a bottle of ready made pasta sauce – whichever is on offer; lol]
Butter/Oil for cooking

That’s literally it.

Total cost is defo > AUD$10

  1. Chop up Onions
  2. Add Butter or Oil to pot
  3. Fry onions till translucent
  4. Add can of baked beans into pot.
  5. Get a baking tray (and line it with foil if you’d like)
  6. Spoon some (Onions + beans) into a wrap, add cheese and roll it up.
  7. Pour bottle of pasta sauce all over tray and place wraps on top
  8. Cover with remaining bottled pasta sauce
  9. Put in the oven for 30 mins at 200″C
  10. Remove from oven and top Enchiladas with cheese
  11. Back in the oven for 15 mins; or till cheese melts.

Cool, then serve.

 

IT LITERALLY TASTES LIKE BEANS AND CHEESE LASAGNE AND I LOVE IT.

You, Again.

There’s nothing quite like your love.

I used to think I knew it all – That I knew love like the back of my hand and that all it brought was hurt.

Yes, I’m not saying it doesn’t hurt – Boy, it does.

But what you’ve given me is incomprehensible. It comes with pain, tears, aches and so many terrible feelings. But at the end of it all, I can wipe away the tears and smile – knowing that I feel this way because there is a love so great that I’m so afraid to lose. A hurt so bad because I miss being physically with someone that I love so much, so much so that a minute without you hurts like a knife through my heart.

In whatever time I’ve had with you, I feel like I’ve learnt everything about you. Yet there still is a constant yearning to learn more about you. In whatever time I’ve had with you, you’ve become my lover, my best friend, my confidante, my partner in crime, my family – my life. You love me like a mother loves her child, advise me with the wisdom of a father and play and fight with me like a sibling would.

There’s no love that I’ve experienced like this before and I’m so thankful that I’m given the pleasure of experiencing it with you.

I love you.

Under.

I have become that emotional wreck again.
I don’t know what this is supposed to mean.

Of course I am in love. I think too much in love.
I have a bad misconception of relationships, possibly?

Maybe I’m the one who believes too much in fairytales.
So much so that I believe that I need to be in one.

Maybe I love too much and I just expect the same in return, but countless of times people have warned me that expecting people to have the same heart as you will only lead to disappointment.

But until that idea gets out of my head, i will continue to be affected by every little thing,

And i hate it.

You. 

No words will string together well enough to describe how I feel about you. 

They couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling I get when I see your smile. 

Words couldn’t tell of your beauty.

You’re indescribable. 

You’re beautiful beyond description. 

You’re so right for me. 

I wish things would be easier, but they’re not and they can’t be. But what will be, is us. And we have to work at it everyday for what we want and believe in. Thank you for giving me strength. 

What’s a soulmate?

It’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone who makes you a better person. Actually, they don’t make you a better person, you do that yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love them and nothing can ever change that.

You can’t always have what you want.

A little emotional now because I’ve just had it…. not my way.

I’m big on planning and I don’t like it when things don’t turn out the way i’ve imagined it – especially when that ‘it’ is life.

I’ve mentioned this before.. that since I was little, all I could think about was the day I became a mother and damn did I want to ace that job.
Of course I love the job my mother did but, naturally, I wanted to do it better.
I had it all planned out.. the age difference between my own mother and I, I felt was too large.
So the ideal was for me to start earlier than she did.

Finding out that wasn’t possible was terrifying for me.

If it was anyone else. I might’ve just left.

But it’s you.

2 years will not make a difference. I can only hope that the hardships will make us and not break us.

Usually, I’d not let anything stand in the way of my dreams and I. Now, the vision is blurry because I can’t decide if I want you or the dream more.

So I guess I can’t always have what I want,
but I’ll get what I need – and that is you.

You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m not saying this because I’m just saying it. I actually mean it. 

You do so much for me and no one ever has. Your sacrifice means so much to me. I could write about you forever and ever. You make me feel alive again.